I made it out the door this morning. Even though I was dead-tired and it was raining buckets when they’d predicted light showers and it was really cold outside. I stayed awake through a meeting and a couple of classes at the Day Program. I walked back home from the hospital even though it was still pouring rain at that point which would have been a good excuse to take the bus. When I got home the only thing on my mind was to take a long nap but I convinced myself to get out again to run an errand I’d been putting off for a couple of weeks. Then I stopped over at the market and bought stuff for dinner although I didn’t feel like eating ‘real food’ and certainly wasn’t up for cooking. Wanted to nap or read when got back home but instead I started cleaning out the BBQ (which took forever) so I could put a couple of the brochettes I’d just purchased on the grill for dinner. Sat down to eat and even allowed myself a beer with dinner, a small pleasure I don’t often indulge in.
All that’s not to say I feel great. In fact, not to say I feel good, even. But I just did it. And as we re-established today during our Self-Esteem Session, “just doing it” usually is a good way to give one’s self-confidence a little boost. Still waiting for that boost to kick in but I’m guessing it probably take a while for the effects to sink in. At least I can watch t.v. right now completely guilt-free. But I just thought I’d keep a record of this day for those times when I might forget that... Yes, I can.
Louise Brooks graffiti pic by Smiler using the iPhone camera
June 9, 2009
Yes, I Can.
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8 gave their feedback:
Yes, Smiler, you can...and do...more than many ever could or did or will ever do.
yep. bisous.
yes you can ! only please make more room for rest xxx
I think every day... every little thing we do has such an impact on the next day, and from there it just grows and grows. Therefore, this seemingly simple night of making yourself dinner, and enjoying a beer is just an entrance into such greater things, and I cannot wait to see what great things lie ahead for you.
After i do my taxes, I feel saintly for about twenty four hours. I know I'm not contending with your same issues...my point is that pushing against develops muscles.
Good job. You deserve a pat on the back or a hug or something. Especially, ESPECIALLY, braving the friggin rain.
Jonas: thanks, that's really nice of you to say.
mum: bisous to you too
littlewolfe: I agree with you on the rest thing. I had a one hour nap today which felt great. Hopefully that should help.
natalie: it's great hearing from you again. You're so right about little actions being building blocks. All too often I can't muster up the energy and then it creates this whole mountain of things that don't get done because I wasn't up to doing that original one little thing. Like breathing. That's always a good start.
ArtSparker: not only do I know exactly what yo speak of but I'm reminded yet again that I still have my own taxes to do (and yes, I'm way past due).
Mad: awww shucks! That's so sweet of you. I'm always surprised when you express your more tender caring side because I find you're so like, cool and like, 'the man' on your own blog. Heh.
I wasn't trying to be "nice", Smiler. I merely stated the obvious and true. Once you are ready and willing to create again, you'll create the most beautiful and worthy of things.
Just sayin'
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