She craved pomegranates

A short story by Smiler

"Before you all go, I'd like to leave you with a few words. I'm sure most of you have seen the headlines about Saddam Hussein's hanging today" said the yoga instructor "this kind of news brings up all kinds of conflicting emotions, which is understandable. I want you to know that you've done the right thing by coming here today, because a regular yoga practice gives us the proper flexibility of mind and body to cope with the challenges we are faced with in life. Thank you for being here today. Namaste."

This particluar instructor had a way of drawing out emotions Anna didn't know she had, and at the end of the grueling ninety minute session, as they had lain down in corpse pose, Anna had been surprised to feel tears flowing freely down the sides of her face. She couldn't understand why she felt so exhausted when she changed back into her clothes, and at that moment she had wanted nothing more than to go home and take a nap, but she decided she needed to go the grocery store first. She had developed an insatiable craving for pomegranates and she was eating them every day the way some people eat apples, which was a good thing, she thought, except for the fact that they were tricky to eat without staining counters, fingers, and clothes with that wonderfully tart crimson juice which somehow sprayed everywhere. But that was part of the appeal of them: the inherent risks when indulging in such a decadent habit. It couldn't be called a guilty pleasure because Anna didn't feel the least bit guilty about it. After all, pomegranates were considered to be some kind of wonder food and were meant to help her live a long and healthy life.

Anna threw on her coat, slipped on her boots, hat and gloves, then stepped outside in the frigid cold for a brisk walk to the grocery store. Once there, she picked the firmest looking fruit, along with other wholesome selections; arugula, pine nuts, Romano cheese, balsamic vinegar. Once she got going, she kept adding more and more food to her cart. When am I going to eat all this stuff? She wondered. Eating wasn't one of Anna's greatest priorities. But today she decided she'd make herself a nutritious lunch when she got home, in the spirit of the health and well-being the yoga class was meant to provide. As she was leaving the grocery store laden with her bags, Anna was assailed by the newspaper headlines about Saddam Hussein again. He'd been hanged that very same day, and of course it had been all over the news. Anna didn't like the news very much. She mostly found them depressing. She zipped up her coat and stepped out to the cold again.

The sidewalks were treacherous - there was a layer of ice concealed under the slush and there were people slipping and falling everywhere. She considered taking a cab as she normally would in these circumstances - there were dozens of them driving by on this busy commercial artery. She decided she'd save herself a few bucks and do what most folks do, which is NOT take a cab almost every single day, several times a day. Her grocery bags weighed on her, but she knew she was privileged to be able to afford eating pomegranates whenever the craving struck, and bring them home by taxi, no less. So much indulgence she repeated to herself for the umpteenth time. The bags were heavy but still manageable, so she opted to take the subway instead.

She gingerly made her way along the icy downtown sidewalks. With her fur-trimmed hood over her head covering half her face, she looked like an eskimo, or maybe like someone out on an arctic expedition. A warm rush of air sucked her into the subway entrance. Three flights down, the underground station was overheated as usual. She only had two stops to go, but as she waited for the train, Anna was already growing restless. She did not want to put her bags down on the ground. She preferred the temporary discomfort of it rather than laying down her groceries on what she could only imagine was the most vile kind of dirt. She transfered all her bags to one hand, then took off her hat and unzipped her coat with the other. She was regretting not taking a taxi after all. Anna hated everything about the subway. She hated the way it looked and smelled, and she especially abhorred the subway lighting - the least you could say was that it didn't put people at an advantage. She found everyone looked particularly ugly and vaguely deranged in that overhead dim grey light "Must all be in my head" she thought. The train arrived. She was glad to find a free seat for her to put her heavy bags down, even if only for a couple of stops.

She exited the train at her station and made a beeline for the escalator, when she saw a morbidly obese woman pushing a stroller, who was just about to step onto it. There was a little girl by her side who was made to look minuscule, no larger than a doll, next to her mother. Anna was hoping she'd have time to squeeze by so she could bound up the steps as she liked to do, but she arrived a few seconds too late, and now the small family was blocking the whole width of the escalator. Anna cursed the woman silently. She took in the little girl, who was holding a tattered and dirty rag doll and who looked to be all of three years old. She then peered at the mother, detailing the turquoise sweatpants, pastel small print flower shirt, her pasty face and bloated features, her dirty brown hair tied in a low ponytail with wisps or errant hairs pulled behind her ears. She couldn't help but think very unkind thoughts about this gigantic woman, who must have been three times Anna's size. She couldn't imagine why a person would let themselves go like that, but she felt badly about her own mean-spiritedness.

They all got off the escalator and reached a wide staircase which was divided in two by a banister. It was a relatively short flight of stairs, but the woman, pulling up the baby in that huge stroller— which was also filled with bags and coats—was obviously having a difficult time of it. Anna had followed the little girl on the other side of the staircase and she now sincerely wished her hands hadn't been so full, because it was clear the other woman needed help. She was considering putting down her heavy bags to lend a hand when the little girl turned and pointed at Anna and cried out "mommy, why won't the lady help us?" At which the woman, looking at Anna with a kind smile, responded "because her hands are already full sweetie". And immediately Anna replied: "I'll put down these bags and come over to help you if you like". And to herself: I'm a complete shit. Why don't I just get over there and help her already?

A midlle-aged woman appeared suddenly and started hurriedly down the staircase. She was dressed in black and her gaunt frame seemed lost in her clothes; black leather jacket, dark faded jeans, chunky black boots. Her grey hair was cropped very short, which somehow made her angular face seem particularly stern. When she'd reached our little group halfway down the steps, she abruptly stopped in front of the little girl, glared at the child and barked: "Get out of my way!". The staircase was wide enough to accommodate two adults side by side and she could very well have stepped aside and continued on her way down."I said get out of my way kid! Scoot!" Anna, who had continued up a couple of steps froze and turned around to witness the scene. The little girl was dumbstruck and was looking up at the woman with wide eyes, her little mouth agape. "Get the fuck out of my way, step aside I said!" the woman snapped again. At this the mother spoke up and said "Come on now, can't you see she's just a little girl?" "I don't care, she's in my way" the older woman barked back. " She's just three years old, just give her a break, she doesn't understand, come on, just let her get up the stairs" the mother implored her again, all the while struggling to up hold the baby carriage which was leaning on the stairs at a precarious angle. She was visibly straining and Anna now had no way to get to her without rushing past this woman and possibly making the situation worse. That woman was clearly mentally unstable and Anna didn't want to provoke a physical altercation. The woman stood there wearing a disturbed grin on her face and said "No, she's in my way, and I want her to get OUT of my way NOW".

This was too much. She had gone too far and Anna was now strongly tempted to teach that nasty woman a lesson in common decency. She thought about her pomegranates and considered they might make very useful projectiles, but she repressed the urge to attack her and instead she thundered: "Just leave her alone lady, she's just a child for heaven's sake!" she surprised herself with the force of her own voice. The little girl was completely petrified as she stood there—looking up at what must have been to her a scary old witch—her eyes wide and uncomprehending. Anna knew something had to be done to break the standoff and immediately jumped into action. She stepped back down the few stairs that were separating her and the child, passing the old witch on the way. As she grabbed her little girl's hand, she said "Come up the stairs with me. I'll take care of you. That is a very bad woman" and she glared at the stranger who completely ignored her and simply continued along her way. The little girl, still in a daze, followed Anna, and once they'd all reached the top of the stairs, the mother thanked her warmly and Anna was off by herself again. The entire scene had happened in less than two minutes, but somehow Anna felt she had been on a very long and perilous journey.

There were more escalators to take to reach street level, and as Anna continued on with a heavy heart, she began to cry big heavy tears. She was wearing large sunglasses which covered a good portion of her face, so she felt relatively safe in her anonymity and the knowledge she wasn't making a spectacle of herself in public. She was upset about what had just taken place, and she wasn't sure if it was because of the injustice of it, or frustration about how evil and stupid some people were, or if it was because she felt helpless to actually DO anything for this poor mother and her children. I'm such a shit! But then I DID help in some small way, and why do I have to be so hard on myself all the time? What more was I supposed to do? Maybe it was the voice of that little girl, wise beyond her years, asking "mommy, why won't the lady help us?" still resonating in Anna's ears. It reminded Anna of when she herself had been a little girl—seeing her own mommy straining and working so hard, and not a soul there to help, and least of all Anna because of course she'd been too small to understand or be of any help... As she dwelt on what had just taken place she wondered"What kind of scars will that incident leave on that little girl's three year old mind?"

There was a short walk from the subway station to Anna's house. She cried all the way home. She cried walking up her staircase and she was crying still now as she was reflecting on all this, standing in her kitchen and placing the pomegranates in a pretty bowl. An unbearable sadness weighed down on her.

"They killed Saddam Hussein today" she finally concluded "but it still doesn't make the world a better place."

Painting: Justin Clayton

She craved pomegranates

http://fromsmilerwithlove.blogspot.com/2007/10/she-craves-pomegranates.html