My Russian Mail-Order Wife

This one is kinda crazy/kooky-loopy for sure. And I was just doing it to amuse myself because... really does make me laugh out loud every time I read it again... But it's really really... I mean kinda risqué... you've been warned!

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Title: Ekaterina, I am the one you've been waiting for!
Originally posted: 13/11/06

I received this email a little while ago, and I'd been seriously considering replying and seeing if maybe Ekaterina and I... who knows? Soulmates maybe? Never do know, right?

Hi! I am Ekaterina. I am a kind, sociable woman. I have a lot of tenderness inside my soul which waits for somebody to
be given to. I dream someone to steal my heart one day - I want to love and to be loved! People say I have a strong personality, but I am weak inside and like every woman I want to be defended by some strong knight in this world! I have some questions for you if you want to get to know me closer:
1/ Are you interested in serious relations with Russian woman?
2/ Are you planning to visit Russia?
3/ Would you like to correspond or to talk by phone?
4/ Why are you interested in Russian lady?
5/ Have you ever been to Russia?
6/ What is important for you in relations and am I right for you?
I will be waiting for your reply to

admin@1WIFEFORU.INFO

Would you like to know me better and to meet me?
Waiting for your reply, Ekaterina.


So I finally worked up the courage to write my first letter to Ekaterina. I had to think about this long and hard, because as I understand it, they ship Russian wives without too many questions asked and then there is that pesky "no refund" policy. But I've decided that this would probably be a good life choice for me. I need a wife. I need someone to cook and clean for me, someone to go shopping with, someone who will understand my shifting moods, someone who can massage my feet and make me homemade soup when I don't feel so well. Ekaterina sounds like just the ticket. It's a match made in heaven, I'm convinced of it now.

So here goes nothing:


To: admin@1WIFEFORU.INFO
From: singlegal@notsayingwhere.com


My dearest Ekaterina,

due to a series of events which would take much too long to explain here, I have become convinced that you must be the woman for me. You see, we have so much in common, not the least of which: the fact that I am a woman as well. I haven't given up on men, but I do yearn to be with someone who has tenderness in their soul. I want to love and be loved too! And my strong personality all too often gets in the way of having meaningful relationships with men Ekaterina. I'm sure you'll understand that. You say you are weak inside, which tells me you must have a strong submissive streak. This pleases me Ekaterina. I like to have a submissive woman to do as I please with. But before we get into all that, perhaps I should answer some of your questions, so you may get to know me closer, as you say (I can just imagine how cute it sounds when you say that with that sexy Russian accent of yours):

1/ Are you interested in serious relations with Russian woman? Yes I am. But not just ANY Russian woman. It is you I desire Ekaterina. You and no one else but you.
2/ Are you planning to visit Russia? I was actually planning a trip to West Africa and New Zealand this year, but I guess I could make a little detour for you. I'm sure you're worth it.
3/ Would you like to correspond or to talk by phone? I can't wait Ekaterina. Just can't hardly wait to hear your soft Russian rrrrr's purring out of your lips. Do you have pretty, soft lips Ekaterina? Are they kissable lips? Do you like to kiss? I could kiss for hours and days Ekaterina. Soft tender kisses on soft tender lips.
4/ Why are you interested in Russian lady? Because I hear Russian women are fucking hot in bed. Sorry about the swearing Ekaterina. That's very rude of me. I just get very worked up at the idea of having my very own Russian lady to do as I please with.
5/ Have you ever been to Russia? Not yet Ekaterina, no yet, but I do own this really wicked music compilation called Moscow - The Sex, the City, the Music. Have you heard of it Ekaterina? Can't wait to listen to it with you by my side as we down vodka shots and talk about life and men and women and love and then... have drunken wild sex together.
6/ What is important for you in relations and am I right for you? Sex. Sex. More sex. And oh yeah: a spiritual connection. Are you spiritual Ekaterina? And also, are you tall? Say... 5'9" or more? And very slender? Do you have small bones and very high cheekbones? And do you have blue/gray/green eyes that are almond shaped? Can you walk in high heels? Are you brunette or blonde? Are you well groomed? Do you have a sense of style? If you've answered yes to all the questions up to: do you have sense of style and then hesitated, no worries, I'll take you shopping Ekaterina. And I can groom you too. That could be a very entertaining evening right there. I'll turn you into a fashion maven. I'll make you the next top model and we'll live a very cozy life together, traveling the world and attending fashion events, hanging out with Karl (Lagerfeld) and Jean-Paul (Gaultier) and and Donatella (Versace) and Miucca (Prada), and Bruce (Weber) and Annie (Leibowitz) and Ellen (Von Unwerth) and the like, and teasing all those modelizer wannabes out there. I will make all men yearn for you. But you will be mine. All mine. I want my own Russian Wife Ekaterina, and I think you could be the one. I really really really do.

Please do respond quickly! I've been preparing for you arrival with much anticipation. Do you like cats Ekaterina? Please tell me you love little pussy cats. That would so totally make my day.

Awaiting your response with bated breath.

Yours forever and ever more,
Single Gal.

My Russian Mail-Order Wife

http://fromsmilerwithlove.blogspot.com/2007/05/spill-xx-ekaterina-i-am-one-youve-been.html